Thursday, January 24, 2008

Grrr(avity)

Since my fundamentals of science class back in elementary, it has always been my understanding that gravity keeps things grounded.

However, as a mom, I now believe that there are some things, or perhaps, specifically ONE thing, in life that defies this basic principle.

My son's diaper, or the contents thereof. But we'll come back to this in a minute.

Coop has contracted what can only be his 99th cold since birth and the things flying/dripping/seeping from his nose are naaaaasty. I put him, an adorable baby, in his swing earlier while I got dressed. When I went to pick him up only minutes later my adorable baby was gone. In his place was this oozing thing ... stuff poured from his nostrils, ran over his lips and mixed and mingled with the drool cascading from his mouth, all colliding perfectly on his clean onesie.

It looked like he'd been oozed by the team from Ghostbusters. EEWW.

So, in this instance, I must concur that gravity is definitely in play.

Now back to that other issue.

Coop was working on his jumping skills when I walked by his bouncer and caught a whiff of something FOUL. I scooped him up, plopped him on the changing table and prepared for the worst.

And I got it.

Though he had been in a full and upright position, this child somehow managed to propel stuff from most every outlet in his diaper. Yuck leaked from both of the legs and out the top ... covering his back all the way up to his shoulder blades. I had heard about the infamous "up the back" diaper and we have had a few prior to this one, but GOOD LORD this was ridiculous!

I was in complete gag-mode as I attempted to clean up the mess. Just as I grabbed Coop's ankles and made the first swipe over his backend... there it went.

His tiny hand. To his tiny, yuck-covered frontend.

I took him by the wrist, while still holding his ankles in the same hand so I could continue to clean.

But he escaped. And those yuck-covered fingers went straight for the wall. He was finger-painting with poo!!!

I. Could. Have. Died.

All bathed and smelling shea-butter fresh, my gravity-defying baby is now ready for a bottle. And let's just say I'm counting down the minutes until nap time.

Mommy needs a drink. And industrial strength cleaner.

Damn gravity.

2 comments:

Kathy Sena - Parent Talk Today said...

Oh, Tessa, I'm so sorry, but I'm laughing so hard right now! It has been 11 years since my son's diaper years, but THIS BROUGHT IT ALL BACK -- in glorious detail! We had a few just like what you describe.

Yes, you deserve a nice glass of wine! Thanks for the smile.

Kathy

Sawatzky Kids said...

LMAO!
I can still recall with frightening clarity the day I went to get my daughter from nap time and found that she had decorated her walls, her carpet, her dresser, her self with poo! I do not think I have ever been so disgusted as I was at that moment!...
Oh wait I was equally disgusted when my youngest pooped in the bathtub and when I say poop I mean diarrea!....
Oh wait there was also the many up the back poops thanks to my eldest son...I think I have spent the last six years in some level of disgust! LOL