Tuesday, March 3, 2009

loving you

I didn’t think I would blog about this, but I feel compelled to do so … if just to put some tiny nugget into the universe that could make understanding easier, acceptance easier, letting go possible.

This past weekend I went with my mom to Lubbock to help my grandpa move my beloved grandma into a home for Alzheimer’s patients. And though I have a dictionary on stand by and thesaurus at the ready, I have absolutely no words that could capture even some semblance of the heartache that transpired.

But, I do have this … Two days before I headed out, I crawled into bed with my laptop and a box of tissue and let the words and feelings and tears tumble forth, filling the page, filling my soul. I wanted to share a snapshot of it, the part that offers a sampling of solace.

This selection references a visit I had with my grandmother this past October:

“There were these tiny, festinate glimpses of the grandmother I had always known, of my friend that loved books and flowers and afternoon naps. They were millisecond moments darting in and out among the shadows and if you dared blink, you would miss them. They appeared as precious reminders of memories and laughter and pure and total joy. They were there in the way she rocked in her favorite chair, the way her eyes smiled at the sight of a child, the way she cupped her hand around my grandfather’s, a gesture perfected by 60 years of marriage.

It was beautiful and perfect and painful all at the same time.”


to my grandpa, to my mom, to my sister, to my uncles and aunts and cousins … I am in constant prayer that peace and strength and unshakeable faith envelope each and every one of us.

and, to my grandma, my friend, I am loving you for now, forever, for always

3 comments:

Alicia said...

Wow, what a sweet sweet passage you shared! I'm glad you did! My pawpaw had it too, and I was so young, I didn't know there was anything wrong.So my memories of him are so sweet and precious, it sounds like yours are too. Isn't that a joy to have those?

My thoughts are with you & yours during this journey.

mimipam said...

you move me....how beautiful.
lovemom

Hulsey Fam said...

Tessa,
I have been through this as well and it is past words for me. I will pray for the whole family in the months to come, for grace and a peace that just passes understanding! I so enjoy watching your precious family grow and you amaze me with your writing, you ROCk! Your mom sent me the sweetest comment the other day, tell her I so appreciate it:) Take care of yourself and by the way, LOVE what your doing with the new pad:) SO STINKIN' CUTE!